


Tranquility

by Anonymous



Category: Mobile Legends: Bang Bang (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst without plot turning into angst with plot lmao, Everybody and I mean EVERYBODY gets Izuku’s crying quirk, M/M, Mentions of past self harm, Non-Graphic Violence, Panic Attacks, There’s no direct kiss sorry :(, alucard gets some angst too tho, everybody is mentally damaged, f in chat for granger, first chapter is trash just skip it, no beta we live like men we die like men, nobody dies probably, this whole thing is just being mean to granger, updates like once a month
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:48:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24188425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: After a terribly timed anxiety attack, a certain duo start to discover things about each other that they never would have imagined.“Aka, Alucard keeps watching Granger sleep”
Relationships: Alucard & Granger (Mobile Legends: Bang Bang), Alucard/Granger (Mobile Legends: Bang Bang)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 75
Collections: Anonymous





	1. Bloodbath

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Panic attack, non-graphic violence 
> 
> I need to make one thing clear before we start, I do not experience the same type of panic attack as Granger does in this chapter. That means that there may be some things that are inaccurate, and I apologize. 
> 
> This is unedited and raw, and was originally a part of a single 5-part oneshot, which is why it cuts off so quickly, and there is a lot of uncomfortably repeated words, so, sorry about that.

1\. Bloodbath

“Alu-Alucard-“

Alucard turned his head away from the massacre in front of him, shivering. This had been, by far, the most bloodiest mission he had ever gone on. The red liquid was splattered all over his coat, staining his sword. It was a barren wasteland, a red tint falling over the sky, matching the mood, the ground was cracked and stained.

How did Granger handle this kind of stuff? He knew the other was known for handling mass assassinations quickly and quietly, and when Alucard had first met him, he was admittedly shocked at the indifference the other expressed. Alucard had killed before, but that was demons, not humans.

It was the feeling of a body collapsing against his side, and a choking noise that brought Alucard back to his senses. He turned to the side, steadying Granger just in time before the other man collapsed. He slowly lowered the gasping man to his knees.

“Granger? Are you okay?” Alucard’s eyes widened, as Granger seemed to focus his eyes nowhere in particular, taking accelerated breaths, a terrified expression on his face. 

———

One second, Granger had been perfectly fine, wiping the blood off of his violin case, which, unfortunately had been dirtied during the mission, with a annoyed, “Tch.” Luckily, he was able to wipe it off the leather before it stuck.

There was something familiar about this scene, and the man couldn’t help thinking back to his parent’s death, a horrible sense of uneasiness trickling into his gut. He took a deep breath, that was a long time ago, he should just focus on his job for now. He packed up his equipment, pushing down the nausea churning inside him, even as it continued for a couple minutes. He closed his case, and stood up, surveying his surroundings again. 

A tingling sensation ran up his spine, into his shoulders, and he tensed up. There was somebody else there, there was another danger. He looked over at Alucard, who was still looking at the dead bodies scattered on the ground, and he raised a hand to warn his friend on a possible threat.

Before a single sound escaped out of his mouth, he suddenly couldn’t breath, his body was folding in on itself. Granger couldn’t think, he felt a overwhelming pressure squeeze down on his chest, panic overtaking his body. What was going on? What was happening? 

Fuck. No way.

Granger managed to choke out, “Alu-Alucard-“ Before he felt his knees buckle on him, as he collapsed into the other man. Right away, he felt two hands on his shoulders, and somebody talking. He tried to slow down his breathing, trying to focus on something, anything. 

He was dying. He was definitely dying. Granger inadvertently met a pair of worried blue eyes. Granger tried to remember who they belonged to. Alucard. Alucard was there. Alucard wouldn’t let him die. That was hard to believe, his body felt so cold, like he was freezing to death, yet his head felt like it was on fire. His chest hurt, everything hurt, everything was sore and stinging.

“Granger, look at me.” Those blue eyes were there again. Granger silently obeyed, slowly bringing his head up. He felt something dripping off his chin, onto his shaking hands. He was crying? When did he start crying. Granger had so many questions, yet, at the same time, he couldn’t even think straight. 

“Take a deep breath.” Granger wanted to do what Alucard said, but his body wouldn’t obey to his command. It was like he was running out of air, and he couldn’t afford to stop hyperventilating. Suddenly, Granger was tucked into an embrace, arms wrapped around his back, and a warm hand was pressed firmly to the back of his neck. It was warm, safe.

“Shh...” The hand slowly patted his back, and Granger slowly felt the world come back to him again. The voice was gentle and soft, it grounded him again. Granger slowed his breathing, tears still blurring his vision, and stayed like that. He didn’t know for how long, it felt like an eternity, but he felt that he was pressed up against somebody’s chest, he was staring at their shoulder. The arms never moved, keeping him safe.

The voice said nice things. It told him it was going to be okay. He did not feel okay. It told him to keep breathing. His throat was sore and his chest hurt. It told him he was safe. That was hard to believe. 

Granger eventually found himself going limp, and suddenly the cold was replaced with a spiking hot feeling tingling in his bones. Ah... Alucard was holding him. He still felt lightheaded, but he gasped out a sigh of relief when he discovered he could move his body again. He brought his hand up, to push himself up, but found himself collapsing back again from strain.

“Hey, Granger.” Alucard whispered, and though it was quiet, Granger found himself jolting again, not expecting it. What the hell? Why was he being so jumpy? He found himself hitching his breath again, before coughing. Alucard looked apologetic, patting Granger’s back as he coughed.

“Sorry, you feeling better?” The blond man asked, as Granger leant back into his arms. Alucard pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket, and Granger gave him a exhaustedly appalled look at why he carried one of those around. Alucard handed it to Granger, and when he figured out he couldn’t tighten his hand enough to hold it, he made a noise of irritation. Alucard just took it, and wiped the still-coming tears out of Granger’s eyes. 

Why was he still crying? In all honestly, Granger was too tired to feel humiliated at this point, as he let Alucard fret over him, closing his eyes. Eventually, he managed to mutter something out, though quiet and raspy, Alucard could hear the heavy sarcasm in his tone, “I think... I’m going to die. Kill me please.”

“I’ll make sure you don’t.” Granger felt himself being moved, and when he looked up, he found himself being held against Alucard’s chest, like a cross between being held like a baby and held bridal style. It felt weird in some aspects, but also comfortable on his aching body.

“We should probably get out of here before anybody finds us, you okay with that?” Alucard asked, hoisting Granger up a bit more. Granger looked around, realizing they had been in a pretty vulnerable situation. He supposed that he should be angered that Alucard was treating him like some fragile object, but he was more than thankful for how he was initiating any sudden movements he made.

Granger nodded, as Alucard stood up. The former found himself quickly lost in thought. Why now, of all times and places? Three years. That’s how long since he became friends with Alucard. Two years since his last panic attack. He had thought that maybe his anxiety disorder had gone away, but that had just been hopeful thinking. 

He could tell this one had been different from the others. He’d never broken down like that, he’d never completely shattered and lost his sense of reality before. Granger gave a bitter smile, now Alucard knew about it, and he’d probably force Granger into therapy or some shit that he didn’t want to do.

“You can sleep, if you want.” Alucard shifted Granger in his arms. The latter gave a small hum of thanks, as he closed his eyes once again. What would the others think when they saw him? Would they see him as weak? Granger didn’t want pity, he had enough of that in his past, he just wanted indifference. That was enough for him.

“I won’t tell anybody if you don’t want me to.” Alucard said. Granger was slightly shocked, it was like the other had read his mind. Weird. He nodded, more than thankful that the fighter wasn’t planning to spill his ‘secret’, of sorts. 

Granger also began to feel more and more stupid, just like how he could feel his heartbeat gradually going back to normal. With one more cold flash going through his body, he finally found himself slowing down his breathing, his dripping eyes slowly coming to a stop, though the gut feeling never left. His tears had pretty much soaked through Alucard’s jacket.

Stupid was what he was, Granger decided. Stupid, and an embarrassment to both himself and Alucard. Would Alucard be mad at him for not telling him about his panic attacks? Would he be disappointed in Granger? Would he pity Granger? Granger tensed up at the thought of his Alu looking at him with the same condemning, shaming expression that so many others had dawned.

And then he felt the hand on his back, and how Alucard was humming a tune for him, and when Granger looked up he saw tufts of silver-blond hair and cerulean blue eyes, which held sincerity. Granger decided that he would let his guard down just this once, let the other break down his walls for a split second, just for a moment. Granger closed his eyes, melting into Alucard’s arms, letting himself be lured to sleep by a soft and loving melody.

———

Alucard had developed PTSD that triggered panic attacks after he was tortured in his youth. For months afterwards, the scent of smoke from a fireplace, or a couple chains linked between security posts would send him sprawling into bouts of flashbacks. He’d eventually gotten over it, becoming a demon hunter, finding that revenge gave him a sense of satisfaction.

He’d immediately figured out what what happening to Granger, the second the other man had started crying. Alucard realized he was seeking safety, and a way to calm him down would be to hug him. It was a really a gamble, and he knew there was a chance he would just make it worse, so he was relieved when Granger stopped gasping for air.

Now, twenty minutes later, Alucard was holding Granger in his arms, as the raven haired male slept, trembling occasionally. Alucard grimaced, biting his lip, he’d never wish that kind of suffering on anybody, and now, of all people, his best friend had been condemned to one? Maybe it was just a one-time thing, triggered by all the blood, or had Granger always had these, and never told Alucard?

He hoped to whatever god was out there that it was the first one. Nobody deserved that. Alucard looked at Granger’s unusually relaxed face, tear stains still running down his cheeks, and his red and irritated eyes. In all the time he had known Granger, Alucard realized that he had never seen Granger cry or scream, not even once, not when he was cut with blades or hit by excruciating moves. Damn, he did nothing more than flinch when hit by Thamuz’s inferno.

It was a new expression he’d never seen on Granger. Of course, Alucard had seen him smile before, but he’d never really seen those scrunched up brows relax into such a defenseless state, where he looked like he had no worries, no fears, no nothing, just tranquility. It was, he dare say, cute. 

Alucard stepped through the portal, holding one of his hands over Granger’s eyes so he wouldn’t be woken up by the bright flashing. The second he arrived, he sprinted out of the plaza area, getting a couple of weird looks. The most the others would assume was that Granger was heavily injured, and Alucard was bringing him to Rafaela’s. It had happened in the past, though it was usually the other way around, and at most, Granger would only speed walk while dragging the other behind him.

“Isn’t Rafaela’s clinic the other way?”

The blond-haired man eventually made it to his dorm, fumbling with his keys before opening the door and hastily shutting it behind him. Alucard gently set Granger down on his bed, pulling heavy blankets from the closet to put on the cold-bodied man. It was only then, Alucard realized they had just been on a mission. He shrugged his bloodied jacket off, before unzipping Granger’s cape coat. He decided to not deal with Granger’s inner bandage shirt, Alucard had no idea if it was all connected, and could be slid off, or had to be unwound. Either way, Alucard had a feeling that there were scars underneath that Granger didn’t want anyone to see.

What was exposed, though, were his shoulders, they weren’t actually as broad as they seemed when he was in uniform, the shoulder pads making them seem more threatening. Alucard had noticed Granger’s lightweight body type before, but the muscle he had build on had made up for it.

Alucard knew Granger had relevantly strong arms. He’d picked up his gun and violin case (when he wasn’t looking, of course. He’d also slung them over his shoulder on the way back, but he hadn’t really thought about them) and found the gun to be... fucking heavy. The weapon itself was probably as heavy as his sword, and the violin case was surprisingly light. That’s why when he wasn’t surprised, when he lingered his eyes on Granger’s chiseled arms, he found his left arm a bit more muscular than his right, but only when someone looked closely.

He was staring again wasn’t he?

Alucard pulled the blankets over Granger’s shoulders, all the way up to his chin like he usually zipped up his cape, covering as much skin as possible without cutting off the other man’s air supply. No staring. He had established that rule long before, back when he had first met Granger. Back then, he had been untrusting and slow to warm up to people (not that he was much better now.) Alucard wasn’t going to ruin that newfound friendship with his petty crush.

At first, Alucard just waited for it to pass. He’d found others attractive before, and he’d actually briefly dated Miya and Zilong before (both ending on good terms) and exchanged feelings with Ruby, though work got in the way, and they both moved on. He knew it made him sound like a playboy of sorts, but it really wasn’t. Plus, that was years ago, how old had he been? 17? 18?

That’s when Granger came into the picture. Alucard couldn’t remember holding interest on one person for more than three months. But damn, the first time he had seen Granger in the monastery, over five years ago, he was sure that he’d been an angel. A irritated, dark, handsome angel, whom Alucard found himself falling in love with. A year later, he was proud to call Granger his friend, and everything went up from there.


	2. Monsters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alucard recalls a event from the past. Granger remembers the day before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Sleep Paralysis, Mentions of past panic attack
> 
> More unedited raws haha

2\. Monsters

A intriguing angel that fell from the sky right into Alucard’s life. Alucard pulled a chair up next to the bed, he was aware that Granger often had nightmares and sleep paralysis. The only time he ever remembered seeing Granger close to being as shaken up as he had been, was when he was staying over for a mission that departed early in the morning. 

_It was about a year ago, Alucard had thought Granger had fallen asleep, so he had gone for a glass of water. Passing by Granger’s room on the way back, he saw the ravenette wide-eyed and frozen, staring at the silence. It was eerie, the moonlight falling over Granger’s face, illuminating the unnatural expression. Alucard realized that something was wrong once he heard Granger’s irregular breathing pattern._

_“Hey Grange, you good there?” Alucard asked, flickering on the light. Granger immediately jolted out of his bed, launching himself at Alucard, like he was ready to attack him. Alucard grabbed him, restraining Granger’s arms, struggling to contain his agitation fueled charge._

_“Woah! Granger! Calm down!” He exclaimed, as Granger tried to get out of his grip. Luckily for Alucard, being a fighter meant a lot more whole-body endurance training, and that gave him enough strength to pick up the writhing marksman and shove him into the bed, pinning him down by the shoulders._

_Granger blinked at him his struggles stopping almost immediately, shocked crimson meeting dilated cerulean, before shakily flatoning, “O-Oh, it’s just you, Alucard.”_

_Slowly releasing, Alucard backed up to give Granger some space, as he took deep breaths, the unsettling expression still on his face. His shoulders were tensed up, like he was expecting something to jump out from the shadows. Alucard frowned, “What’s wrong?”_

_“D-Don’t concern yourself.” Granger was obviously trying to use the pushy, irritated tone he often donned while talking to Alucard, though he was failing miserably from the stutters that slipped out, “I am perfectly fine.”_

_Alucard raised an eyebrow, with a forced, worried smile, looking at the marksman, “You literally looked like you were paralyzed, you tried to attack me, and you’re still panting and shaking.”_

_“Alucard, I said I was f-fine.” Granger glared. Alucard had other ideas, if Granger was considered perfectly fine, then he might as well stab himself and call it a scratch. In all consideration, Alucard realized he’d actually called stab wounds scratches before. Granger could see through that bullcrap without hesitation, though, so he always ended up with proper medical treatment at the end._

_“Well, luckily for you, we’re having a sleepover.” Alucard decided to wipe away the ‘sympathizer’ approach and just do what he did best. Let his mouth run and see where it gets him. Alucard grinned, purposely ignoring Granger’s ‘I did not give you my consent to do this’ glare, as he plopped down at the side of the bed, “Scoot over.”_

_Granger grumbled, evidently too tired to fight against it, flipped over, letting the other lay down next to him. Alucard cheered, laying on top of the blankets, giving Granger some personal space, a cover wall between them._

_In reality, Alucard was completely red. He was so close, way too close. He could hear Granger’s breathing fading back into a slowed pattern, which he assumed meant he was calming down. Alucard wasn’t sure what had made Granger attack him, maybe a bad nightmare. Whatever it was, he would ask him about it tomorrow morning._

Alucard couldn’t shake the image of Granger laying there, unmoving, staring, staring, and staring at something that wasn’t there. Like he was dead. Even an entire year later, it showed up in his dreams. A small voice asking, “What would you do if Granger died?”

Shivering, the man reached over, holding Granger’s hand, which was peeking out from the blankets. He knew the dangers of their job, and he knew exactly how likely that either of them could die at any time. He couldn’t get attached. He couldn’t take his own personal feelings and ruin Granger’s life by forcing them onto him.

He didn’t know how long he had been lost in thought. When he finally broke away from his wonderings, he noticed the sun was already setting, and a new wave of fatigue hit him. Hah... Alucard had just forgotten he hadn’t slept for two days, and he had just spent over an hour fighting a whole hoard of people. Suddenly, his arms were sore, and he just wanted to sleep.

Granger wouldn’t mind, right?

Not letting go of the marksman’s hand, Alucard peeked one last time at his face, knowing it was most likely the last chance he would have for a while. Stretching his arm on the bed, Alucard bent down, nesting into a comfortable position. He was rather tired, so maybe a nap, at least.

————

Granger slowly opened his eyes, something felt off. He stared at the fan on the ceiling... he didn’t have a fan on his ceiling. Hurriedly glancing around, he saw Alucard, who was asleep, on the chair next to the bed, and immediately breathed a sigh of relief. He must be in Alucard’s room. What time was it? Glancing at the bedside drawer, the clock read, “10:30 AM” In big, red letters. 

Why was he laying in the middle of the bed like a hospital patient, with Alucard holding his hand? At this point, sleeping in the same bed wasn’t even embarrassing anymore. (At least, Granger assumed, for Alucard) So why wasn’t he? Granger shifted his legs, and free arms, finding them injury free. That was odd, and the marksman reached over to wake Alucard up, when he noticed the dark circles under his eyes. 

Sliding his hand away, Granger pushed himself up, finding that he was wearing his pants, and the bandages wrapped around his torso and arms were still there. Why the hell was he sleeping in his bloody pants? Glancing at the soundly-asleep blond, Granger turned away, deciding he would steal one of Alucard’s shirts before he confronted him. Sliding into the bathroom, and glancing at the mirror, he noticed a lot of things at once.

His hair was disheveled, and not as in, tossed around by a bad sleep, there was blood still tossed around in it. On closer inspection, he noticed the tear stains still on his cheeks, and his slightly bloated eyes.

Granger fell the the ground with a crash, as everything from the day prior came flooding back. The mission, the assassinations... the panic attack. Had he really broke down in front of Alucard? Suddenly, Granger just wanted to get out of there, and push away the coming conversation for as long as possible.

Unfortunately, he never got a chance for any further planning, because hurried footsteps headed towards the bathroom, and those pretty eyes were back. Granger really liked Alucard’s eyes, they looked cold from an angle, but you could see the excitement and energy held in them. Now, they were shining with a sort of... worry?

“Granger! What happened?” Alucard exclaimed, helping him up off the ground. Just like that, Granger went brain dead, having no idea on what to say next. Unfortunately, his mouth spoke without permission, and he wanted to take it back the second he said it.

“I bet you hate me now.” Maybe, this was exactly what Granger had been thinking, but it sounded way too cliche to his ears. He knew- he hoped, that Alucard wouldn’t see him any differently than he had before.

‘I bet you hate me now.’ Granger thought bitterly, repeating the words, stopping them right as they were value to roll off his tongue for a second time, ‘I bet you hate me now? I bet you really do.’

“Grange, do you even hear yourself?” Alucard softened his tone, and Granger knew exactly what was coming. He was debating whether or not he should roll his eyes when Alucard went off on his little, “I’m your best friend, of course I’m not going to! It doesn’t matter, you’re still you!” Montage.

“Alright.” The marksman simply stated, cutting Alucard off. He was extremely thankful to have spoken consolation that he was still considered a friend, but it wasn’t like he could say that here. 

“Really. I mean it.” Alucard looked Granger in the eyes. Damn. Sincere. The raven head released some of the tension he had built up in his shoulders. He felt way too bare for his own good. Maybe he should get his shoulder pads back, the whole point of having them was being able to seem like he had wider shoulders, and it made him feel a bit more intimidating. ‘Call it childish for all you care’

“Ok.” Granger replied, simply. He just wanted a bath, a change of clothes, and maybe some time to play his violin to calm himself down. He knew that they eventually would have a talk about it, but now wasn’t the time. First he would collect himself, he would have to find a way to repay Alucard later.

He knew Alucard was looking at him as he simply walked past him. He knew Alucard wanted to say some more, and yes, he did deserve an explanation. Granger was being selfish by ignoring the whole thing, he knew that, it gave him an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. He didn’t like the fact that anything concerning somebody else would make him uncomfortable, so her turned around.

“C-Can we talk about this later?” Granger hadn’t meant to make his voice crack, he hadn’t meant to sound weak, but that was exactly what he was feeling. Either way, Alucard gave his nod of understanding, showing one of his signature smiles full of truth, and Granger felt the tiniest bit better. 


	3. “Later”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alucard and Granger chill behind a wall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mentions of suicidal thoughts and hints of past self harm
> 
> A bit long

3\. “Later”

  
Granger wasn’t exactly sure what Alucard’s definition of “later” was, but a week had flown by since the initial event. But as much as Granger wanted to hope Alucard had forgotten about the whole thing, and they could just move on with their lives, he could still feel how the other man needed answers. He didn’t like the feeling that bubbled up in his gut, every time he ignored Alucard for another day, but he also despised the anxiety that formed every time he opened his mouth to speak on the topic.

And so, their lives continued.

They were, indeed, “The perfect pair” A strong fighter and assassin, with enough lifesteal to tank for a couple of moments, and a marksman who dealt heavy damage in the split second an enemy was slowed. It was an efficient, quick kill. However, this strategy involved quite a lot of camping in bushes, or hiding behind walls until the target passed, and Alucard would use his groundsplitter, as he called it, move, and they would ambush it.

The terrain was rather flat, it was an abandoned village. At least, it had been a village. The walls were old, and made of stone, falling apart. Walking into it, under the rising sun gave off a ethereal feeling like you were walking into a fairy tale. But, there wasn’t many places to hide, other than the jumbled brush and tall grass 

Which was why they were currently pressed a bit to close to comfort, huddled behind a corner, in the shadows, which were slowly creeping back as the sun rose. It really wasn’t necessary to be hiding so stealthily an hour before the target’s predicted appearance, but last time they had took time for granted, they’d been jumped when the demon’s good eyesight had spotted them before they had spotted it. 

The result wasn’t very pretty, and Granger still shuddered when he imagined Alucard’s arm, nearly severed. He himself had gotten two long scars down his lower arm and calf, but they were rather hidden, against... others. Either way, it was too much of a close call, the possibility that they had almost died that day was still too fresh. 

“Hey, Granger?” Alucard whispered, looking extremely uncomfortable for whatever reason. When the marksman turned towards him, Alucard gestured to his chest, a expression that showed both embarrassment and teasing irritation crossing his face, “Could you maybe take off your shoulder spikes? They don’t feel very nice.”

Granger looked down, noticing the metal extensions were actually digging into Alucard’s jacket. Reluctantly, he reached up and slipped off the leather plates, dropping them onto the ground. They weren’t very protective, but he usually wore them in the instance that the enemy got to close, he could ram them and hopefully buy himself a few seconds to dash away. (He was well aware this probably wouldn’t work, but that was what he told people)

The gentle cling of the spikes echoed through the morning air, leaving an awkward silence that wasn’t there before. Granger absolutely hated that feeling, he often got it when he was matched up on stealth missions with Natalia, both of them not accustomed to starting or holding up a conversation, usually waiting for their partner to blab away for them. But he had never had this problem with Alucard before.

Thump. Thump. Thump. In the position they were in, Granger’s ear was pressed up against Alucard’s chest, and he could hear the latter’s heart beating, a rather quick and consistent pace. It gave him chills, a tingle running up his spine. It was lucky he didn’t look up right then, or he would have seen Alucard’s redder than usual face. 

Thump. Thump. Thum-

“Granger, are you okay?” Alucard’s whispers broke him from his trance. Granger raised an eyebrow, not taking eyes off of the pathway which the target was presumed to pass. 

“Of course I am.” Granger replied, more snappingly than he had intended for it come out. It was like Alucard was about to treat him as somebody who needed to be protected. His stomach dropped again, an anxiety lingering as he knew the talk that would come next. How was he going to hold it off? They were in a corner, with nowhere to go, no chance to yell. 

“You’re shaking like you did-“

“That was one time. One time, goddamn it.” The marksman seethed, throwing up his hand. He wasn’t sure why he was shaking, it was something cold, something that itched up his spine. He knew, he just knew, that it was because of Alucard. He needed to describe it,  Granger was scared of Alucard . No, that wasn’t right, he was anything but scared of Alucard. It was like there were butterflies in his stomach.

Whatever it was, Granger was genuinely scared that he would once again break down. But the feeling wasn’t like the ominous pressure that would loom over him, it didn’t feel necessarily bad, just...new. 

He remembered something similar before, it was over the duration of a few weeks when he first met Princess Silvanna. (Though now, it felt wrong to call her that outside of formal events. She treated the lightborn as family, and they were obligated to do the same) All he had known was that he had wanted Silvanna to like him, and for a short while, he had tried to impress her. Gradually, that feeling had gone away, and had come to look at her as more of a younger cousin or sister.  Pang .

So why would he be feeling like that with Alucard? They were already close enough, there was no reason for Granger to be be pining after him. Granger didn’t have much confidence problems when it came to his skill, he knew he easily had one of the best shots in entire Moniyan empire. It was that sometimes, when he looked at his newfound friends and family, he was afraid that he would loose them.

He was afraid that Alucard would have left him if he revealed his fears and problems.

Alucard must have realized that as well, at least to an extent, because it was often where he would remind Granger than he was his very best friend in the entire world, the one person he could trust, so it was okay for him to open up.

But Granger didn’t, he let Alucard do all of the talking. Even if he did talk with him, what would he say? “ Oh, sorry, it seems like an anxiety disorder that I’ve had almost my entire life may be coming back and I’m embarrassed that you’ll think I’m pathetic? Also I don’t trust your ability to live and expect you and the rest of our friends to die at any moment so I didn’t want to tell you? ”

That just didn’t sound like it would go over right at all, no matter how we worded it. 

“Hey Granger, why did you choose to become a demon hunter? You seem the happiest when you’re playing your violin.” Alucard had asked. Granger shuddered to a halt, right in the middle of his newest sonata. His peaceful smile dropped, as he glared at the swordsman for interrupting him. 

“So I can fight for myself, isn’t that obvious, dumbass?” Granger sighed. It really hadn’t been something he thought about. The real reason was people complimented him for his shooting skills, and as much as he wanted to become a violinist, he couldn’t. Not when, every time he attempted to bring the subject, they would tell him what a waste of skill it would be, “I only fight for myself, no one else.”

There was something that ignited in him when he shot a target. It wasn’t a good feeling at all. It was a bitter, painful feeling that rose up in his chest. He was angry at the demons for killing his parents and sister, but being a demon hunter wasn’t what its name suggested. He went often went on assassinations, whether hired by the government or by independent groups he was loaned to.

He had to shoot innocent men, woman, children. He had to watch the look of shock when they fell to the ground. Granger was killing mothers, daughters, and sons, who had done nothing wrong other than catch the attention of someone wealthy. He was stealing people’s families away, just like the demons had done to him. How was he any different then those monsters?

Alucard said no to those missions, he refused to kill anybody other than a demon, he would actually seek those out on his own. Of course, he had seen the discomfort Granger showed, the slight twitch of an eye or the curving of the mouth, when he had been teamed up with the marksman to show him around a tricky area outside. (It was around when they first met, and Alucard hadn’t killed a human since)

Of course, the swordsman had offered to ask the administration to cut off Granger’s missions, but he had declined. Because, no matter how many years had passed, there would always be a fundamental gap between the two. Alucard had been captured by demons, he had endured the torture he had been put through. He had returned different, and set out on his own, though at first the elders had been furious, he ended up setting new records and bringing glory to the Moniyan even though he had only been a teen at the time.

Granger was overshadowed. And that was okay, because he never had wanted the spotlight. Alucard was the top demon hunter, the hero of the empire, the young star who shone. Granger was the intimidating one, whose violin skills hurt your ears. He didn’t have the looks nor the personality to uphold what Alucard did.

So he would take anything he was assigned, because he was barely seen as a human. If he didn’t do it, he wouldn’t be worth the empire’s time. He had been told again and again that it was lucky he had been rescued by the monetary, even though his father hadn’t been a very high rank, and it was only because they felt sympathy. During the same period Alucard had been fighting for his life, Granger had been considering taking a bullet and ending it all.

He knew quite a lot of the administration would be more than happy to pull him out of the lightborn if somebody with a better demeanor came along. If he had shown any sense of resistance, he’d most likely be ridiculed and shunned, and any excuse would have been made to lower his rank. Even the king didn’t exactly trust him, and the only reason he was standing where he was was because Tigreal did.

Granger was a puppet of the empire. He simply existed and followed every rule. He had to, if he wanted to keep on living. It was the only thing he could do, and he had submitted to the fact, that one day, if he messed up, he’d most likely be killed.

He  had to fight for himself.

Alucard’s response was something he hoped that he would have a chance to say one day, “Well, I fight to avenge my parents, but that’s not all... I fight for me, and our friends, and for the people! And I fight for you too, Granger!”

Protecting Alucard even if he died was something he would do in a heartbeat. But the one in danger during the missions was always Alucard, not him, as the swordsman did close combat, and was the initiator. He was always the one who dragged a cut and bruised Alucard back home, not the other way around.

He hadn’t realized how deep in thought he had been getting until he heard Alucard speak again. Granger felt some heat rising to his ears, he kept zoning out whenever he was talking to the swordsman. What were they talking about?

“Granger? Granger!” Alucard sounded worried. That got his attention immediately, as he quickly tensed up, surveying his surroundings, was the demon going to land a surprise attack? But where was it?

“Granger, shh... you’re okay-“ Granger felt arms envelop him, and the split second before he realized it was Alucard, he instinctively elbowed behind him, nailing the other straight in the gut, sending them tumbling backwards.

“What the fuck?” Granger yelled, the same time Alucard yelped, “What the fuck!”

“Eh- Oh... Sorry... It’s just, I though you were having one of those, you know...” Alucard fazed from his spot on the ground, as he looked around, spinning his finger in the air, evidently trying to avoid saying exactly what he was implying, “You were shaking, looked kinda dizzy.”

“I’m fine, damn it.” Granger reached to begrudgingly helped Alucard up, who gladly took his hand. He thought about turning the cold shoulder, but there was still at least thirty more minutes that they would be standing together in a contained space, so that didn’t seem like a great option. 

He knew there were a fair amount of demon hunters who had some sort of anxiety or PTSD, after all, almost everybody had lost a family member or friend at one point or another. Even though he’d never seen somebody as weak just because of something like that, he couldn’t bring himself to admit that he was also hurting. Because he was stone cold and emotionless, he wasn’t supposed to have feelings.

“...If you can’t trust me, then who can you trust?” Alucard suddenly blurted out, before an expression of regret overcame his features. It was almost like a stab, Alucard was the one Granger was closest too, he had  nobody else. 

Why couldn’t Granger just keep it to himself? Was that unreasonable? It wasn’t something he particularly wanted to share, it might be a burden, but he was willing to carry it. Telling somebody else, was like taking some of the weight you carried, and throwing it onto somebody else. 

What was the real reason Granger didn’t want to tell Alucard?

“Nobody.” Granger stated, because it was a fact. Both of them knew it. It wasn’t something that set heavily upon them, rather, something that lifted. He met Alucard’s eyes, the intensity of his expression boring into his mind. 

“If it helps... I used to have them too.” There wasn’t many traces of shame in Alucard’s voice, and the fact he was able to admit it so easily, was something that was abit soothing. Alucard could understand, because Alucard was Alucard, and that was what he did. He trusted Granger, and Granger realized that he could trust him too.

Granger leant back against the wall they were hiding behind, finding anything to wrap his hand around. A mossy stone sticking out was perfect, and he squeezed it as he began to speak.

As the sun rose, he told Alucard everything, his life before he came to the monastery, his mother, father, and sister. How he watched his parents die right before his eyes. How he was brought into the monastery. His nightmares and panic attacks. How he had climbed up the tower of chapel to listen to the violinists practice at night. How he had almost jumped off of the tower.

He completely threw away his filter, anything and everything was spilling out of Granger’s lips in jumbled words. Alucard never interrupted him, not once, only looking at him understandingly, softly. 

“It was just so unfair, they never let me be what I wanted to be... I know it was selfish of me to think like that. It was suffocating, and I just wanted to- to jump off right there, and nobody would have cared. But then- there was this lady who had seen me, and she told me to come down- and she gave me a violin. And...” Granger wiped the tears away from his eyes, gazing upwards, before closing his eyes, “Then she died too, and I had to go back to practicing my shooting again. I only kept living because she said I had to...”

“I thought that maybe if I died, I could meet my family again...” He bitterly tightened his fist again, “But every time I tried to let the demons kill me, my body wouldn’t let them. It was like it wasn’t allowing me to escape. So I tried other ways, but it never worked. It  never did...”

His knees felt weak, and he slid down a bit. He tired, really tired. Maybe he shouldn’t have-

CLANG .

Granger’s eyes snapped open, one second, he had been sure Alucard had been on his left. But, suddenly, he had somehow teleported behind him, panting from adrenaline. His sword was held out, meeting a heavy blow of shining claws that would have no doubt, killed Granger instantly.

Demon trainers were trained not to be fazed, and immediately get to action, so no hesitation was made when Granger whipped up his gun (more shakily then he would have liked) and fired off a round directly at the attacker. Both sides jumped back, and Granger kept his eyes trained on the target, though he could hear Alucard trying to regain his breath next to him.

Granger quickly cursed himself, he had seriously let his guard down without realizing it. He had trusted Alucard enough to go completely vulnerable, and that was dangerous. Though in the end, Alucard had ended up saving him, so the call wasn’t completely wrong.

It was a demon, and just a glance could show it was a bit different than most. It had horns lining its spine, piercing its skin gruesomely, with sharp, elongated claws, and a disfigured torso. Alucard immediately narrowed his eyes, a murderous expression overtaking him, “You’re one of Helcurt’s subjects, aren’t you, demon?”

He’d heard of Helcurt before, quite a lot, actually, and he suddenly understood why Alucard looked ready to murder in cold blood. Helcurt was the one who destroyed the moon elves, the Leonins. Helcurt was the sole reason that Harith, his friend, his  little brother , didn’t have a family anymore, why he cried at night. Suddenly, killing because a whole lot more appetizing.

Alucard held a personal grudge that Granger could understand. Alucard had been just minutes too late to save Harith’s village, and even then, he had barely made it in time to save Harith. If Alucard hadn’t met Harith, then he most likely wouldn’t have run into Granger until much later. The sad truth was that if that would have happened, Granger wouldn’t be alive right now. 

If that would have happened, the lightborn would have never been formed, and the initial attack of the abyss made by Dyrroth would have succeeded. It was a horrifying thought, the power that the Moniyan Empire controlled was more than anyone else in the Land of Dawn. If the abyss would have taken control of the empire, Granger didn’t know what that would have meant for everybody in the world.

The demon seemed rather timid now that its surprise attack had failed. Helcurt’s troops were known for their stealth, and the ability to completely silence someone, which cut off their airflow for a short amount of time, making them choke. This consequently proved to be a distraction long enough for claws to pierce them to death. However, this only worked because of the poison coating the demon’s tail, which was pretty easy to dodge one you knew it was coming.

Another notable trait was how they typically had to accelerate their attack power, making around four to five weaker slashes before they would land a hard hit, which was so strong it could kill somebody who wasn’t at their best condition with only one hit. It was also the very thing that almost killed Granger.

Now, the demon seemed to hesitate, before hissing, and launching at Granger at an almost impossible speed. Luckily, Granger was able to dash away in time, and it was left swiping at thin air. Alucard swung his sword, leaving a cut across the demon’s thigh. It screeched, making Alucard slap a hand over his ear, while Granger remained unfazed. 

Alucard huffed, getting back in position, that scream wasn’t bad at all, really. Not compared to hearing the demonic sounds that would spread over the monastery in the middle of the night back when he had first returned. At the time, he hadn’t known what it was, and his peers had simply shook their heads and said that it was the “weird guy.”

After hearing Granger play his song for the first time, Alucard put two on two. It was hard to believe that they had lived in the same temple for half of their lives, without realizing it. Alucard wondered if they would have been friends if they would have met as children.

Laughing a little to himself (which might have confused the enemy, and make Granger think he was a sadist), though shaking it away as he blocked another round of claws. Alucard jumped upwards, hitting the demon with an astounding force. He called it the groundsplitter for a reason, of course. The area around the impact shookwith tremors, deep cracks spreading from the epicenter. 

It was frozen, and Granger quickly shot three bullets, directly at its head. However, it managed to snap out of it just in time, as they hit its shoulder. It let out another high pitched howl of pain, and a black cloud started forming from the tips of its feet. 

It was the ultimate move of the shadowbringers, and also precisely why they were called shadowbringers. In less than a second, a invisible, senseless darkness settled over everything, making anything that wasn’t within touch distance, hidden. Alucard sweared out loud, he knew where Granger was, but where was the demon?

Granger on the other hand, closed his eyes. He may not have been the best at violin, or had a musical touch, but he could hear. He could hear the nearly soundless padding as the demon scampered towards Alucard (who seemed to be its destination). Lifting the gun, he held still, sending one precise bullet, directly into its skull.

The shadows immediately dispersed, and Granger knew that he had killed it. Alucard gave a sigh of relief, sending a grin and a thumbs up (Granger only returned the gesture) as he approached it, slicing its head off to make such it was dead. Granger pulled the practical body bag out of his case, which Harith had created all on his own. They worked together to heave the corpse into it, and it instantly disappeared.

Harith had explained it many times, but Granger was only able to catch onto the things that made sense. (Aka, not the math and complicated spells) It manipulated time of a simple object, sending it back in time. However, it only touched the past location, not the condition. Changing the condition of an object was evidently difficult for Harith, and he knew the Leonin exhausted a lot of his power if he attempted to heal injuries the same way. 

It had been pretty scary when Harith had collapsed after trying to treat nothing more than a knife wound on someone’s leg. Since then, it was simultaneously decided that Harith wasn’t to use his abilities on injuries unless it was in a life-or-death situation. Protective? Yes. Necessary? Yes.

Getting sent back in time without changing the condition meant that the bags kept the corpses inside of them. Initially, there were a lot of problems with the demons also coming back to life midway. Harith had been able to fix that, making it so neither the bag or the contents would physically change.

The body bags helped a lot with disclosing missions and sending signals to prepare about what would happen in the future. Their past selves probably wouldn’t disclose anything much from this one, as Alucard killed most demons by decapitation. To prevent paradoxes, it was a rule that nothing living would be sent back in time.

Alucard wiped his hands on his jacket while his shoulders relaxed in relief. He gave a huge grin, “Well, I’m glad that went over alright!” Granger brushed the back of his head with his fingertips, noting the spot that would have lead to his demise had Alucard not saved him at the last second.

“Yeah.” He replied, because at the end of the day, all that mattered was that the mission was successful and that they were alive. It was funny how he had been thinking about how horrible his life was a few minutes before. Because in that one moment where he looked death in the eye, he had realized that he didn’t want to die at all.

Granger had things to live for, and finally, he had somebody to live for. Alucard grasped his free hand, a bright sun shining against the darkness, as he started to run along, “Come on, let’s get back! I don’t want to miss lunch!”

Such a typical thing to say, wanting something to eat. Granger felt himself being filled with a strange warmth, his body relaxing in places he didn’t realize he was keeping tense. He had missed this, he had missed him in the week they hadn’t interacted. 

“Alright, you idiot.” Granger didn’t try to break away, as he followed the illuminating man. Alucard was a beacon of hope that broke through his demons and insecurities, and Granger was alright with letting him do so. He would follow him to the ends of the earth.

It wasn’t until the middle of that night, where a wide-awake Granger realized that he had been, and was, absolutely enamored, enthralled, infuriated, with the sole light of his life.

Granger was in love with Alucard.


	4. Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Heavy suicidal thoughts, failed suicide attempt, self harm (not using blade), mention of self harm (cutting), and an imaginary semi-descriptive kiss
> 
> Granger has a revealing ‘nightmare’, and Alucard digs up some old memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extremely sorry for the late update, got some checkups switched around and came down with a pretty bad case of the flu
> 
> This one has a lot of warnings but still is somehow cheesy fluff???
> 
> —Benedetta joins in this chapter, though if you’ve been following on you can probably guess what role she has—
> 
> This is the rawest raw. I literally haven’t gone through it.

4\. Memory

Whoosh...

The cold air whipped through Granger’s tousled hair. He gripped onto the pillar next to him for support, his legs shaking. It was an artistic scene, as he stood on the steeple, which was a marble white that shone in the bitter moonlight. A beautiful song resonated throughout the chapel. 

He was going to jump. Granger told himself, looking out at the dark expanses of forest shrouded in shadows. He could hear the howling of the wind as it ran through the branches, like a huge demon screaming out at him.

Ever since that day, he had been having these nightmares, lucid nightmares. At first, they were terrifying and he would wake up screaming and shaking. Once the violinist, who had been like a second mother, had passed away, it no long was a scary memory, just a bittersweet one. Because it was only in his dreams that he could see her.

He would come here to listen to her music, as long as he could possibly do so. Once he’d had enough, once the painful pressure in his chest grew too large, he would jump. He would be falling and falling but nobody would stop him this time. Then he would jolt awake, in the early morning. A reminder that he couldn’t see what came next, because he hadn’t died that day.

Tonight, he wanted to climb down there, and just talk to the dream lady. All of the holed up things he had discovered last night. But it wouldn’t work, he knew it. Pang. He wasn’t going to stay in his only tranquility, so he decided it was time to go.

Some part of him still resisted when he stepped off of the ledge, the part of him that really believed this dream world was real. Thinking about dying was different than actually dying, and the event the day before had pounded that fact right into his brain.

Suddenly, there was somebody holding his wrist. Turning around, confused, he saw Alucard, with a worried expression on his face. This had never happened before, so Granger was shocked speechless, gaping at his friend. This was too strange, he just wanted to wake up. Yeah, he was scared of change, this was his sanctuary, and the thought of anything becoming different was unwelcome.

“What are you doing?” Alucard gasped, looking right at Granger. Suddenly, he was terrified, he needed to get out of there. Goosebumps rose in the eerie setting, and suddenly, the music echoing through the chapel shuddered to a halt. Alucard’s face was in the shadows, and Granger didn’t feel safe.

“Get- Get away.” Granger ripped his arm away from Alucard, eyes wide. The metal gauntlet left long gashes down the side of his arms, even though he couldn’t feel the pain, he still saw the blood drip.

He needed to get the fuck away.

Jumping backwards, his stomach dropped as he felt himself fall, the wind rushing past his ears, the cold feeling spreading through his body. Wake up, wake up, wake up... he snapped his eyes open, but he wasn’t met with the darkness of his room. Instead, it was bright, and Alucard was still there. 

After he woke up, he could only remember snippets of the dream, it was hazy. There was only one thing he could recall with complete clarity. 

Blue eyes. Blond hair. Somebody had been talking. Oh god- that kiss. It was vivid and felt more like a memory than a dream. His full lips were a rosy pink color that looked absolutely glossed. 

They were soft and delicate. Granger hit himself in the face, for how far had he let his imagination go, and immediately regretted doing so after feeling some of his skin irritate and peel. But they were so gentle, and his hand cupping his face, and how their eyes met, and...

The thing that finally snapped him back into reality was how the taste of citrus fruits rose on the back of his tongue when he tried to recall the taste, making his eyes shoot open. Alucard was pretty committed to keeping his breath fresh, and it really wasn’t a surprise for him to carry around some minty candies around, so that inconsistency was really the thing that shook him awake.

Things that he realized quickly included, that it was still pitch-black outside, though he usually woke up with the early sun. It was night, there was nobody else. Granger took a couple deep breaths to try to draw some composure. He liked his friend, he had liked his friend for quite a long time, and hadn’t been able to find a word to describe it.

He turned the light on and was met with various photos on his nightstand, from a old picture of his family, to the lightborn squad. And Alucard. They were arranged on in a frame, tiny photographs that Alucard had taken and gifted to him. 

Just that, was enough to send him into a stumbling, blushing mess. What the hell was he doing, having affections for his best friend? How hadn’t he noticed? So many odd thoughts went through his mind at once. Holy crap holycrapholycrap-

Heat rose to his ears as he thought about everything that had happened. There was one sound his mind refused to forget, and it was the gentle, “Thump. Thump. Thump.” Of Alucard’s heart. 

He could hear it in the back of his head. It was warm. It made his stomach do flips, and he suddenly wanted a hug. Pretty weird, right? he had heard the term falling in love before, but he had always thought it was heavily overrated. Right now, he could understand everything, the fact that he had been in love for so long without realized it.

Love.

What a strange, disgusting, beautiful word. Granger hated that he loved Alucard, yet he couldn’t even collect his thoughts to explain why he hated it. Why did he like it? The feelings, the weird condensed feelings that he had been holding back for so long without realizing it, were finally set free all at once.

Granger lifted his face, and slammed it as hard as he could into the metal bed frame. His fluttering stomach immediately disappeared, pain (and blood) shooting from the new wound on his forehead. He was not going to let this silly fake “love” take him over.

If he had had a “crush” on Silvanna before, then the same logic must apply here. All he had to do was wait a couple of weeks, and it would face away. He hit head again. And again. And again. 

It was already sunrise when Granger was ready to head to bed again, he didn’t want to have such heavy eye bags he didn’t even have to put on eyeshadow beneath over them. The new unintentional littering of wounds and bruises that littered his forehead, cheeks, and back were going to be pretty hard to cover up, but he did know how to use makeup, after all. 

If anybody had heard the sound of somebody’s head repeatedly hitting something over and over again that night, nobody mentioned it. 

Turns out that Granger wasn’t going to be allowed to sleep, nor was he given the time to compose a five page essay in what to do when he met Alucard again, because at that moment, the door burst open, and there was the man himself, in flesh and blood.

Alucard was sweating a bit, obviously having just ran from the training premises judging on his clothing. Granger knew Alucard liked early morning training, unlike himself. Okay, maybe he was getting used to going to sleep late, but you were not going to find him up anytime before eight if it wasn’t a mission day. Or that particular day.

He was also holding a large box, and had a grin on his face, though Granger had known him long enough to see a hint of nervousness hidden underneath. Unfortunately, Granger had been sitting up at the time (and luckily had chosen to wear pajama pants that night. And his usual bandages wrapped around his arms, he didn’t take chances) so he couldn’t play the sleep card. 

Not that Granger thought that he would have been able to sit through Alucard’s usual waking up ritual which included getting up and close in his face, and then either hitting their heads together or attempting to tickle him. Also, there was that time he had bitten his ear with a bit too much force. Nope, not going to think about that right now.

Alucard lifted the box up, “Granger, guess what they foun- holy fuck is your face okay?”

Granger stared at him confused, before remembering exactly what he had done last night. He slapped himself suddenly, pulling his hand away to find it covered with a light coat of blood. Ah, he must look pretty beat up right now, but I’d be gone by next week, “Yeah. What did you want to show me?”

He knew he had went out of character from his usual tone, which he had decided at that moment that he had to maintain. Act natural, don’t act like you were just beaten by a metal pole, though it was more like the flimsy frame had been beaten by his head, judging from the dent. Alucard shook his head, setting the box down and rushing over, “What happened?”

“Nightmare.” Okay, technically that was the truth by all means, because that imaginary kiss had been terrifying, and he did have an actual nightmare right before that one. Plus Alucard wouldn’t press, so he could probably pull it off. New backstory: horrible nightmare made him tear up his face, case closed. Now, he was pretty much just abusing Alucard’s trust, but this time it was for a noble reason. ...Perhaps not an extremely noble reason, but something told him Alucard would be better off not knowing about what Granger had realized.

“Oh.” Alucard sat down on the side of the bed next to him. The common ritual to sit in silence until Granger made the first move. Usually, he would appreciate this, but now he wasn’t sure what the correct time would be to start talking. Two minutes? Yeah, that sounded good. He started counting back from 120 in his head.

Now, this was actual awkward silence, something he didn’t think he would feel with Alucard. He took the time to admire the man a bit, making sure it was unnoticeable. Hard to look at somebody’s eyes inconspicuously, but he would make do.

120 seconds were over. He shifted, gesturing to the box Alucard had just brought in, with his usual voice that he found increasingly difficult to keep steady, “What’s in there?” Alucard seemed to brighten up, pulling it onto the bed between them.

Opening the already cut top (which Granger assumed meant he had previously looked at the contents) he looked ready to plunge his hand in, before pausing and turning to him, “This is just... some of the stuff they found in one of the old storage rooms... it’s from my parents.”

“Oh.” Now, it was Granger’s turn to pause and go blank. Alucard never talked much about his parents. Of course, he knew a fair amount from things he had heard just from people talking, and from things Alucard had told him himself. The thought that Alucard trusted him enough to show him something like this made him both nervous and warm on the inside.

“Yeah, but... it’s just some pretty cool stuff from when I was little.” Alucard thrusts his hand in and out, grasping a small box. He seemed excited, kind of cute, like a puppy of sorts. It wasn’t an expression Granger got to see a lot, “Look at this!”

Granger watched as Alucard showed him various things that he had found, from old clothes, shining jewelry, to old trinkets and photos. He was more than happy to watch as Alucard held them up, one by one, explaining everything he could remember with a smile that curved the slightest bitterly.

“And here... is my mother’s-“ Alucard started out with the same energy he had been using the entire time, as he held up a glittering necklace that looked beautifully made. But the second he lay eyes upon it, the light completely dropped out of his eyes, expression falling as he suddenly stopped, frozen. 

He hadn’t chose to move, in fact, Granger had been stuck trying to decide what to do next when his arms had shot forward of their own accord and wrapped themselves around Alucard, just as the man crumbled. 

“Damn it...” Alucard mumbled into Granger’s chest, and the slight shaky wetness in his voice tipped off the fact that he was crying. Granger wasn’t sure what to do, he’d never really comforted somebody before. He settled with pulling Alucard closer, and running his hand through Alucard’s hair. It was soft and fluffy when not slicked in its usual roundabout.

Alucard leaned into Granger’s touch, neither of them had to say anything. They were happy with each other’s presence. Granger had to admit that the position he was in, supporting most of Alucard’s weight was pretty hard to maintain, but he was content to do so. Plus, he owed this to him after Alucard had sat with him for over an hour and then carried him back last week. He owed a lot of things to him.

He handed Alucard a tissue when he noticed that his shoulders had stopped shaking. His voice came out much softer than he had expected it to, even shocking himself, “Are you okay?”

The blond-haired man seemed to freeze at the sound as well, before leaning out of the embrace with a rather forced laugh, a sound that Granger didn’t want to hear come out of his lips ever again. Alucard wiped away the wetness lining his eyes, “I will be.”

“No.” Granger states, hands still on Alucard’s shoulders. When he came to conscious with what he was doing, he turned red, but didn’t let go. He pushed Alucard so that he was lying down on the bed, “Get some sleep, you idiot.”

Alucard yawned, which was cute, as in, very, very adorable. Granger died on the inside, ignoring Alucard’s mutter of thanks as he shoved a pile of blankets onto his friend. They still had two hours until noon practice, a tad of rest wouldn’t hurt. He lay down on the bed opposite to the blond, and closed his eyes.

——

Alucard woke up to a bundle of bed headed raven hair in front of him, basked in the late afternoon light. More precisely, he woke up to the door being slammed open, a certain energetic woman standing in the doorway, a playfully angry expression resting on her face.

“Granger! Brother says you missed noon practic-“ Fanny started, before pausing take in the situation. Alucard realized exactly what it looked like, he was wearing his rumpled, baggy training wear, while Granger only had pajama pants on. And they were fucking laying right next to each other, Granger must have moved to settle next to Alucard somewhere in his sleep. Both of them looked worn out, with messy hair. 

“I... I’ll leave you guys alone...” Fanny moved to close the door, and Alucard sat up, face red, completely flustered. He waved his hand in the air, “It’s not what it- not what it...”

Fanny gave him a hard stare, like she was trying to analyze him. She scoffed, flicking her cable rather authoritatively, “Man, every person in a fifteen mile radius can see your intense crushing. How did you even last this long in that position?”

“I don’t know either.” Alucard truthfully admitted. He winced remembering how he had a mini-breakdown earlier. Granger already had enough on his plate as it was, he was being selfish by dumping his own burdens on his friend. He wasn’t going to do it again, and he never got to show Granger the photo he had found in the box.

“Good luck getting laid.” Fanny gestured him off as he was once again turned into a sputtering mess. She paused before giving a warning, “Tigreal’s mighty angry at both of you. Like really angry. Mostly at you though. Watch your back.”

“I’m not trying to- Thanks Fan.” Alucard tried to rebuke but ended up grinning, careful not to be too loud as to wake the man sleeping next to him. Granger didn’t look too well with the heavy eye bags

“Had a feeling Granger was tired or something.” The assassin pulled away a bag she had clipped to her waistpiece, tossing it. Alucard caught it, looking inside. There were a couple little jars of blue sparkling essence, and a bunch of soft, light foods and drinks that Alucard had also noticed Granger tended to enjoy them in the morning.

“Ah... I’ll give it to him when he wakes up.” Alucard nodded gratefully. To put it plainly, he couldn’t cook. Anything he touches would burn, and the only items that had hope of being remotely edible were prepared meals that just needed some liquid and heat. Granger despised it.

He remembered when he had tried to make spaghetti from “scratch” (he had the noodles but he insisted it didn’t count) the result was so much smoke the entire dorm rooming complex had thought a fire had broken out. It was also the day he learnt that Granger knew how to cook, but preferred to stick to yogurt cups and bread. Just plain bread. 

“Heh, sorry, I wasn’t planning on staying long.” Fanny mock apologized, pointing her thumb at the door, “We probably won’t see each other for a while, stay safe on your mission tomorrow, alright?” She grinned, shooting one of her cables out of the window, as she leapt into the air, “Say hi to Granger to me!”

And in a flash, she was gone.

No matter how many times Alucard saw it, he never failed to be amazed. He shook his head, a dumbfounded smiled plastered on his face, Fanny was pretty incredible. His disbelieving trance was broken by shifting next to him. Granger cracked open his crimson eyes, squinting and disoriented, voice dry, “W-hat the hell?”

“Grangy!” Alucard jolted, surprised. He pulled one of the canned drinks that Fanny had given him and handed it to Granger, who took it without saying anything. The second the Marksman sat up, Alucard’s heart stopped.

Sure, he had seen Granger shirtless before, heck, they had seen each other clotheless multiple times. (Long story) And yeah, he had noticed it back when he had first walked into the room, but he never really got to continue the thought process after he had cried. The bandages were still around his arms, but Alucard already understood what he had wanted to hide after the explanations from yesterday.

Granger practically glistened under the sunset gold, and Alucard was once again reminded of all the reasons he was in love. The said man grumbled, rubbing his eyes as they adjusted to the light, “What time is it?”

“Probably around six.” Alucard glanced at the clock on the wall. 5:34. Close enough. Granger on the other hand, tensed up, enough where it was noticeable, hissing, “We missed the training. Why didn’t you wake me up?” His expression seemed to soften in the slightest, “...That’s probably for the better.”

”Are you hungry? Fanny just dropped off some food.” Alucard displayed the bag, rather grandly as Granger seemed to perk up. Just the smallest twitch of his eyebrow, but Alucard smiled in triumph, his friend was obviously hungry. They’d slept through two meals, of course.

Granger pulled out a yogurt pouch, one of the pastel colored ones that looked like they were targeted towards young children. He popped the top off, and squeezed a small amount into his mouth. Alucard couldn’t get why his friend liked them so much, sure, they were decent tasting, but the texture was... weird. Too slimy.

Inspecting further, Alucard found half-a-sandwich with his a note with his name on it, which he assumed meant Fanny had planned to drop by his place as well. He really forgot to show his gratitude sometimes. 

Alucard unwrapped it, trying to be as quiet as possible. The crinkly translucent wrap formed patterns on the bed.

“Hey Alu?” He heard Granger, and he looked up. The man was looking directly at him, a strange emotion on his face. He reached out, before bringing his hand back, a small splash of red on his cheeks, “Thank you.”

“For what?”

He didn’t get an answer. Granger turned away, and stuck the yogurt pack back into his mouth. Alucard ate in silence, letting the warm light wash over both of them, before whispering, “Thank you too.”

Granger hummed in reply. It was something both of them were thinking, thank you. Thank you for existing. Thank you for being there. Thank you for staying with me. 

It was evening, but neither of them were tired. After some thought, Alucard got up, heading the the kitchen area. Even though it was no more than a few shelves and a wooden stove, “I’ll go make some actual food.”

“No, you are not.” Granger suddenly sounded strict, grabbing the spoon Alucard had been holding right out of his hand. The Marksman winced, and Alucard thought it was an injury, until he spoke, “You made Lancelot cry with your spaghetti. And he isn’t even Italian.”

“I can cook other things!” And Alucard was telling the truth, he just couldn’t handle boiling things if his life depended on it. If you couldn’t smell it, how were you supposed to know it was ready? And when things burned, you couldn’t tell until it was already too late.

It was over dinner, a mouthful of pasta elbows and tomato paste, where Alucard remembered the photo again. He quickly stood up, wiping his mouth (with his arm, much to Granger’s displeasure) and exclaimed, “Wait here, I’ll be right back! I forgot to show it to you!”

Alucard left a confused Granger sitting at the table, as he tug to the bottom of the box. He refused to even glance at the necklace that lay on the bed, afraid it would send him into another round of tears. Eventually tightening his fingers around the small photo, no larger than a polaroid, he headed back.

Granger looked up, slightly intrigued, as Alucard entered the room. The swordsman fingered the picture, “Remember when I told you about that girl I was friends with as a kid?”

‘No, not particularly.’ Granger thought. Alucard had talked about plenty of his old friends (especially when drunk) but he could barely recall a girl... ah... Betty or something, now that he tried to think about it, more memories came flooding back.

This Betty girl’s stepdad, or something, had been working in the same division as Alucard’s parents. Granger vaguely wondered if his father had known them as well, he was young when they had died, but he remembered their kindness. Maybe they had been cousins, he knew he had a lot of them, but he wasn’t sure if they were even alive, or their names.

The white tuft of hair was a odd genetic mutation that was passed down from his father’s side. He had it, his sister had it, and so did practically anyone they were related to. Sometimes he would come across somebody else with the same condition, it was odd to know you might be related to them, just generations apart.

He remembered how Alucard had laughed about how Betty’s younger brother kind of looked like him. Seeing that he was holding a photo, Granger guessed that it was of her, and seeing his eagerness, maybe also of this so called doppelgänger brother.

“Yeah, enough.” Granger nods, he could just ask Alucard if he forgot anything about her. Why did he even care about who Alucard had been friends with? The man seemed pretty certain that all of them were dead, and Granger felt the same bitter feeling when he thought about anybody he may have known. But, the only person who he really remembered was his sister, her face was still clear, “Betty, right?”

He had already shown most of the photo. It seemed to be a picture that their parents had taken, Alucard had his thumb over Betty’s face, but Granger could see young Alucard. He had been cute, but since then it had definitely been nothing but upgrades.

Surprisingly, Alucard shook his head, looking a tad bit confused but his mouth still tugging in a teasing way, “No, that’s not right...”

Alucard slid his finger off of the girl’s face, exposing the entire picture. Alucard had his arm slung around a young girl of the similar age. She had silky black hair just shy of her shoulders, a white streak running through it, the same gentle smile he had seen hundreds of times. Next to them was a boy who was maybe a couple of years younger. Alucard was right, that did look exactly like Granger-

“Her name was Benedetta.”

Granger drops his glass. It shatters, cutting into his feet, but he can’t think. His body doesn’t move, and Granger tells it to do something, anything, but everything is frozen. He tries to open his mouth, but he can’t.

The room tunnels around him, his vision starting to spin, and he feels Alucard guide him to a chair. He couldn’t handle seeing her again, she looks so similar to the girl in his memories yet so different, small things that he may have never remembered.

Alucard’s voice brings him back to the present, “-nd, some.... you...” it cuts in and out like a static radio, until it finally holds steady, “Granger, are you okay? You look like you just saw a ghost...”

Granger tells himself to lift his head. It works, though shakily. He looks at a Alucard with blank and emotionless eyes, his voice barely a whisper, like he was afraid that somebody might hear.

“That’s me...” He grits his teeth in disbelief and shock, still not able to comprehend what he was seeing, “That’s me... and Benedetta is my sister.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If MOONTON doesn’t give an explanation as to why Benedetta and Granger look like siblings I will scream because you cannot tell me that was unintentional 
> 
> Next chapter; Benedetta makes her actual physical appearance, and everything goes to shit. (Note: next chapter I plan to have over 6000 words and also have it beta read because I plan to have some of it in Bene’s POV and I’m not a girl, but I do promise I won’t take another month again)
> 
> **new change of plans as of 8.2.20, new chapter is going to be well over 10,000 words unless I split it up. *cries in its taking another month to update*
> 
> Gg


End file.
